Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
