She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize