Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
