Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
