So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
