marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
