I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
