I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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