Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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