There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
