It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
