when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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