im six kinds of drunk right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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