i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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