I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
