I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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