he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
