roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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