Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't deserve a penis
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
