You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This is the high leading the old right now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
