is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
