i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
