Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
