I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
