Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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