remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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