i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
