Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
