You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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