5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
