I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
