Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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