Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
