i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
