fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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