wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
is it fun? or sober?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
