My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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