I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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