I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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