I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
