we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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