can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
