my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
