This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
