..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
