halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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