K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
