well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
