so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
