your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
