those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
