Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
