Say something about gay babies.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
