I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
