that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this just has baby written all over it
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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