i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
