I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She's the barista slut.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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