It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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