He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
