So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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