she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
