Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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