woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
