are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
