He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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