i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
