oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
