she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
