my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
